Filed under: relationships
I met a cute guy today. It was good.
I dont feel like I meet many new people these days, and the ones I do meet are married, so it was good to have to start from scratch with someone.
Not sure if I come across well or not, but I guess it doesn’t really matter anyway.
I have generally had an aversion to the word love. I decided that it was a load of crap anyway.
This has just started causing me problems, it seems as though I have merged the definition of love and care.
This is not a rational thing to do, it makes no sense at all and I seem to do it selectively.
Guys make this whole thing more interesting. I think guys tend to do this too, mix up feelings resulting in confusion for all involved. This time it is my fault though.
I had assumed that since most guys who care about me are interested in me that would apply to everyone. This (as it turns out) is incorrect.
Im not too sure where this leaves me, its good to have people who are about you and your well being etc. I am just not sure I know how to let people care about me.
I expect people to have their own agenda. Why do people care when there is nothing in it for them?
I am fairly happy with my life overall. I like my job, I have some good friends, I feel like I spend my time doing things that are worthwhile and that I enjoy.
I know that there will be some bumps, and I tend to be affected by those more than the average person (whatever an ‘average’ person is) but I am getting better at managing that and better and recognising when things aren’t going too well
But for some reason, I still complain all the time. Even if things are going really well, if they are not perfect I still complain. Makes no sense to me. I want to just be able to chat with people and have friends that are not in crisis mode all the time. I don’t know how to do that.
I was thinking last night, after being out drinking, that I don’t really know how to do the friendship thing. I have some really close good friends and I have people that I know and chat to from time to time, but I dont really have any friends in the middle.
How do you be friends with people who are not part of your life? I think that friends need to know enough about each others lives for the friendship to work, otherwise you would never talk about things that matter. But then, maybe thats the point, maybe its ok to have people that you talk about nothing serious to.
I dont know. I dont even know if it matters.
I just want to learn to have fun with people, not to expect too much of them and to have some friends who are just fun to hang out with.
