Im not sure what it is, but I tend to be attracted to school teachers.
I usually am thinking that this person is alright before I find out they are a teacher. It just seems to happen a lot.
Unfortunately, the most recent one I met who is also a really nice guy is already attached.
Still, its good to meet more nice people. Just a bit frustrating sometimes.
Actually, I think I also find it frustrating that I cant meet new people without deciding if Im at all attracted to them or not. I wish I could, it would make life easier and I would have more friends.
Filed under: relationships
I was hoping to spend some time with him and then decide that really he is a prick, but no such luck.
He is great, nice, cute, smart, fun. Tall, I didnt remember that he was that tall. All the rest of if I thought that I must have made up, pieced together in the most favorable view to suit my own view of the world. But its all true.
It sucks.
I wanted an excuse to get over this.
Filed under: relationships
There is a nice guy that I met recently. I dont know how to get back in touch with him. We were flirting, well at least I think we were. Its hard to tell with nice guys. I really have no idea what to do next. I dont know how any of this stuff works any more.
We didnt get to talk much. It seemed like we had a bit in common though, but its hard to tell.
I dont know if I am game enough to take the risk to talk to the people that we know in common to find a way to get in contact with him. What if I do and he was just being a nice guy and isnt interested at all?
When did I become such a wimp?
My ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend. Im not jealous of her, im happy for her. Im jealous of him.
I dont know how he does it. He has only been single this time for a few weeks and yet he has managed to meet someone who he can see himself being happy with.
Why can’t I do that? There must be a trick to it. I used to be able to play the game, when it was a game, but its not a game any more. People my age dont play for fun, its real now. And I dont know the rules any more.
The pessimist /realist in me wants to say that I cant do it because I wont delude myself that I can be happy with anyone. But after talking to him, it didnt seem like a delusion. People get into happy relationships all the time. I just dont know how.
By the way, I am happy for you too. Just sad that I dont know how to do it.
Filed under: relationships
I think that I have established fairly well that I am not stable enough to be in a relationship.
Does not stop me from wanting to be in one though.
Tonight at Church we were bagging out the concept of a ‘christian singles’ conference. My thoughts on it were basically that anyone who would go to something like that is not the type of person I would want to be with. Funny how relationships are like that.
Everything else in the world I would think less of people for not trying. But with relationships its the other way around. If you are trying its not rewarded. Strange concept.
I dont understand how our society got to this place. The rules are so strange and varied. Where do we draw the line between assertive and desperate?
Well, no real luck today. Oh well.
Life goes on.
I used to be brave and confident. But then I also used to be selfish and self-centered.
Catch 22 I guess.
I must be feeling better. I have started to smile again.
Im actually a little bit excited about tomorrow. Im going to be putting myself in a situation where I will get to talk to the cute guy that I posted about before. Its nice to be happy about little things like that. Its a very teenage thing to do, but thats ok. Its so girlie, Im kind of hoping that he will remember me. Ill just have to wait and see.
Im 90% sure that I am going to give up on Uni. Mum was happy about that idea, she really has no idea.
Trying to work out what is responsible for this change is really hard. Im thinking its either eating food again, not stressing about Uni, or my medication has kicked back in fully. Or maybe its a combination of all of them.
Filed under: relationships
I wanted you to love me.
Why cant things be that simple.
Today is Dave C’s birthday. We went out for dinner tonight. It was nice, mainly the usual Thursday night dinner crowd, plus Erin (who is out of hospital again, thank God) and Lawrence (if that is how it is spelled)
Some of us went out for drinks after dinner. It was bit weird. The age differences in the group are generally not all that noticeable, but for things like tonight they are. Some of the group went to play the pokies, its just something that I have no tolerance for and I feel like I always get stuck dragging people out of the pokie room and back into the regular conversation. I hate that people feel like they need to go there for entertainment in the first place.
Dave had a good birthday so that is good. Im glad. He is one of those people who is so helpful to everyone around him that you will never be able to make up for it, Ever.
Today we also closed up the Easter space. I was kind of sad to have to close it. I really wish that we had a more permanent space that we could do things with and people could get into. Today we had a few people who came through because they had seen the signs all week and thought they would give it a look. This is not about ‘converting’ people, its about giving them a way to connect with God and a way to meet people. Its more about the experience than about long term salvation. I really want to have a labyrinth towards the end of the semester, and/or the start of next semester. It could be really good. I also want to get Dave W a big UnitingSpiritually banner made properly.
Ummm, what else has happened today? Im trying to work out how I can meet up with the cute guy I met without looking pathetic and desperate. I know some people in his music group so it is quite possible that I can run into him again.
I was talking to a friend tonight about this stuff. i really wish that I could get passed this stage of looking for a partner. I would love to be at the stage where I can meet people and see all their good points and just be happy to know them, not always thinking ‘I wonder if he is single?’ or anything along those lines. People keep amazing me, they are so skilled and generous and compassionate and caring and all that kind of stuff. I just want to be able to meet people and not always sum them up as a potential partner.
I think that is enough text for one night. Happy Easter! and Happy Birthday Dave!
