I havent earned any new money for 5 months. Its not the most sensible situation.
I had intended on doing some casual work while I was looking for a permanent position. Then I broke my toe and it all went off the rails, I didnt even get all the right forms into centrelink. I am hoping that they will be able to help me out a bit though, I do have a medical certificate for all the time since I broke my toe. I really should go and see them tomorrow. I find centrelink hard to deal with – they take a toll on my mental health, I dont deal well with people that would prefer if I were really sick. Its not good for me to be around people like that.
While I have a lot of free time, I still feel more busy than I should be. With Sarah off sick I have taken up a lot of the slack. I dont have a problem with doing that. I just need to start getting paid to do something soon. Hopefully my interview goes really well (or really crap) so that I can start to make some decisions about my life.
Im not a person that does well with too much free time. At the moment everything I do is voluntary, it means that in my head I have all my time as free. This means that I keep putting everything off until the last possible second because I have this illusion of having heaps of time. In reality, my volunteer activities actually take up quite a lot of time and I need to schedule myself better. Im not getting to sleep early enough and it causes me to by tired all day. Things that would be better off being done earlier get pushed back because they are not essential.
Anyway, I guess my point is that I am well and truly ready to start working again and I am really looking forward to earning money again.
To me, there is no solution to any of the world major problems that dont have problems or reasons they might not be as effective as we would like. Does that mean its ok not to try?
I dont have too much power in this world. Im not rich and I dont have a powerful job. The biggest power I think I do have is my education and the fact that I am a consumer in the global economy.
I feel like I need to use this power to do whatever I can. If this means buying some things and not buying others I can do that. It may not make a huge difference in the world, but it might make a difference. If heaps of other people did the same thing we can actually make businesses bankrupt, we can change their practices, we can support businesses that might not otherwise make it, we can change the world.
This is not easy, Im not trying to pretend it is. It seems to me the biggest barrier at the moment is that people think that their contribution is too small so it wont make a difference. im disappointed that people have this attitude, when a whole society or country are all thinking that they cannot do anything then nothing will get done.
I hope that makes some sense. I really wish that we would give making a difference a go. Coming up to chrsitmas I want to point people to www.tear.org.au have a look at (arguably) the worlds most useful gift catalogue. Maybe you can use your Christmas gifts to make a difference in the world.
I feel like most of the good done by my trip to New Zealand has now been undone.
Things are going to change soon, im not sure what they are going to change into. Im not sure where I will be or what I will be doing. Im hanging out for this change though. Things are too static for me at the moment. Part of that is because I am not currently earning an income, Im eating up too much of my savings.
I generally dont stress about money, this is because I have enough of it to not stress. I have been comfortable with my ability to earn more so there is no need to stress. It has now been almost 5 months since I have earned any new money. I dread the thought of going back to centrelink, those people are so depressing.
If I dont have a job by the end of the year I think I am going to leave the country again. There are a few options, some more sensible than others, some cheaper than others. The most sensible would be to go to another developed country and work. The cheaper option would be to go to a developing country and see how life is. There are some programs that I could apply for, but im not sure I am that patient. I would love to go to south america and learn to speak spanish, but the airfairs are too high. somewhere in our region would be better.
I have been thinking over the last couple of days that I want to start a business. I have thought about this before, but now I actually have the ability to do it.
Im not sure if it is a bit of a confict of interest, but I want to start a Fair Trade business. The reason I think its a bit of a conflict of interest is that I have been pushing for my Church, state wide, to become fair trade converts.
Still, someone has to supply them. Why shouldnt it be me?
I just sold my car for scrap. I know that I could have got more money for it if I had tried harder, but I just dont care enough.
The stress of having a crap car is quite high. The amount of times that I just didnt get to where I needed to is really high. I nearly missed a friends wedding because of it. Mum is not going to be happy. But if you give me a shit car that costs me more than it is worth, then you have to expect that one day I will get rid of it and stop looking after it.
Im still really tired. I am just not sleeping well, I am sleeping a lot, but its not helping. I have 2 days until I leave, I need to be in a good mood again by then.
I have told my work that I will be leaving to look into ministry options.
They took it really well, I was quite surprised. They don’t want me to leave, and have asked me if there is a way to ‘inventivise‘ me to stay (which is nice, makes me feel wanted). But they haven’t pushed the matter or tried to make this decision harder than it already is.
Having said that, I am feeling generally positive about the whole thing now.
Most people have been really supportive (except of course, my mum).
It was good to be at Church on Sunday night. People were really encouraging, which is something I really needed.
My old boss called me today and said that he thought it was great and that most people never have the guts to do what they really want to do.
My Aunty emailed me and congratulated me.
Overall, I am currently feeling quite encouraged and positive.
I am going to keep working full time to the end of Feb, then go part time to the end of March. I guess I can see how things are going from there, but I would like to cut BlueScope off at that point. Its OK to drag it out a bit, but I need to make sure this year is focused.
I think that I always knew that I would need to make a choice between life and money at some point.
I think that I have to choose life. Choose to have some meaning, choose to participate in my own life, choose to enjoy myself.
It all makes sense, do what you are interested in, passionate about. But its never that easy.
Im actually sad that I will be choosing to do what I will enjoy. Im sad because all the security and perceived safety that comes from financial Independence, or even abundance, will be gone. I feel as though my ability to look after myself will be damaged.
Not sure that is a rational way of looking at it, because really I am looking after myself better when I choose to do things I enjoy and will be able to commit myself to. Stress will be real stress, good stress, because it will be about things that matter to me.
I guess that I need to learn to trust God more. There are things in life that are essential to survive, really as long as I have food, my medication and things to keep my time and mind busy I would be Ok. All the rest of it is surface and non-essential. I dont need to have a car and a motorbike, I dont need to have tennis and flute lessons, I dont need to …. well there are heaps of things that I don’t really need.
So, here goes. Im choosing to live…….
