Ok, I have cleaned my bedroom, the bathroom, & the kitchen (including clearing out the fridge). Now I have the lounge room and my ‘office’ to go.
I have to say, I like it so far. Things are neat, my clothes are clean. It does look better.
I think its motivating too. I have got so much more done in the past few days. I think I am sleeping better which means when I wake up (earlier than usual) I just start doing things that need to be done instead of wasting time until things HAVE to be done that instant.
Apart from wimping out and not writing my letter to the property committee about being locked out of part of the building for kids club, I am actually organised for kids club more than an hour before it starts. That is close to a first.
I think I might be able to get used to being organised and tidy. Oh, and for good measure I have started to take hayfever tablets to stop me getting more sick.
After developing yet another swollen red throat and blocked sinuses, my support group last night told me that I’m not doing everything I can to be healthy because my house is such a mess.
Its sounds strange, but I hadn’t really thought that a messy house could cause health issues, but apparently breathing in too much dust could be causing my constant sickness.
So today, after teaching scripture, sleeping a lot (to recover from not sleeping last night) & checking the result updates from the US election, I started to clean my house. I started in my bedroom, it is where I spend most of my time when I am at home. There is now nothing on the floor at all, I will wash all of my clothes over the next few days and put them into the wardrobe and develop a system to keep them off the floor.
Tomorrow I’m going to attack the kitchen and the bathroom, both of which have not been cleaned in a while.
I don’t like cleaning, but I really hate being sick. Its worth a try at least – maybe I will even like it 
I have been thinking a lot about next year. My job finishes in January and my plan is to go overseas.
I keep changing my mind, a few months ago I thought South America then Canada. Now I am thinking of applying for a People in Mission placement in the pacific, looks like Fiji or Kiribati (pronounced kiri-bass).
Im half way through the application form, and it seems like a good idea. The only issue I see in terms of being ‘accepted’ into the program is if they freak out about the depression stuff. For me, it doesn’t matter where I go or what I do, I am going to have to be aware of my mental state and how things are affecting me. For them, I might be seen as too high risk.
Im almost ashamed to admit this, but the main reason I am hesitating is that spending 9 months or so in a placement is almost like committing to stay single for another 9 months. Im 26 now, Im not sure I like the idea of staying single all the way through my 20’s. (for those of you who don’t know I broke up with Matt when I was 20, well, a few days before I turned 21). It seems so selfish.
I am going to apply, its just all a bit scary .
I have bought 2 thermometers in the past few days, both were broken before they could even tell me my temperature.
I know its wrong to see conspiracies where there arent any, but if I were a more paranoid person that would be too much.
I just want to know if I still have a fever. I want to be able to check it when I wake up at 4am dripping in sweat.
That doesnt seem like much to ask really.
I have this image of who I want to be. I thought I was almost there. Young, Free, Healthy, able to go anywhere and do anything, choosing to do things that are meaningful,
But then, there is reality. Here we are, I’m back on Antibiotics, I have yet another chest infection, on Friday I had a temperature of 39.6 C.
It makes me quite sad. At this point I cant even look after myself let alone help the world be a better place. So then it makes me wonder what is the point?
I cant figure out why I keep getting sick. In terms of lifestyle, I should be fine. I’m not very stressed, I eat fairly well most of the time, I exercise (when I am not sick), I don’t drink much alcohol, I don’t smoke, I don’t take any drugs that aren’t prescribed for me. So I just don’t get it.
Yes, I’m winging about it. Wouldn’t you be? Every 6 to 8 weeks I am sick again. It makes me even more unreliable than just the depression, and that level of unreliability was too much for me to cope with.I feel bad for everyone who has to rely on me, my church especially because they pay me and i’m always sick.
I really wanted to go in that triathlon next weekend – now I can’t even get myself lunch.
This is not how I pictured my life.
Well, I am completely exhausted.
I have been running around a lot trying to make sure that things are all good for me to go away for 4 weeks.
I think that most work stuff is covered. I still need someone to cover scripture on Tuesdays, and someone to hang out with Lauren maybe, apart from that I think it is ok. Its not as good as I had wanted to make it, I had been hoping to modularise everything for kids club to make it easier for everyone, but I didnt get that far. I do have the bible story for each week though.
As for actual holiday plans, They are almost done too. I just need to find a way to get from Århus to Paris. It looks like I will have a weekend in Paris which is a nice suprise. That had not occurred to me until today, I have to arrive at Taize on a Sunday, so it makes sense to spend a couple of days in Paris before going there.
My energy levels aren’t coping with the increased activity. I feel like I haven’t stopped for about a week and its showing. I have forgotten to eat two days in a row. Thats something I need to work on.
Thats probably enough for one post. At some point I am going to have to blog about my run-in with the scripture teachers at the scripture teachers meeting. I have decided that I dont have a problem with conservative christians, I just have a problem with them pushing their view on everyone else. There is no space for differing opinions or beliefs with those people. I find it hard to deal with. I guess what I am saying is believe what you want, but dont expect me to believe it too.
Im not sure what it is, but I tend to be attracted to school teachers.
I usually am thinking that this person is alright before I find out they are a teacher. It just seems to happen a lot.
Unfortunately, the most recent one I met who is also a really nice guy is already attached.
Still, its good to meet more nice people. Just a bit frustrating sometimes.
Actually, I think I also find it frustrating that I cant meet new people without deciding if Im at all attracted to them or not. I wish I could, it would make life easier and I would have more friends.
Filed under: life
Dealing with people is a stressfull thing to do.
My whole job is dealing with people and it stresses me out.
I cant keep up with all the things that I need to, I cant manage all these people who I dont understand. At this point, it doesnt even feel like we have a common goal.
As I am feeling a bit stressed, my typical response is to cut myself off a bit and think too much.
This time around I am thinking about my UK trip, which is good because its in 6 weeks and I havent booked anything, and what I am going to do next year.
I have ditched the idea of moving to the UK, the weather here has been making me miserable so why would I move somewhere worse. I think I am going to spend some time in Thailand, maybe volunteering at Agape or something and then go to Canada. I do love good snow.
I just have to not meltdown for the next 6 months and everything will be ok. Not that I am the type of person that would let myself get away with ‘not melting down’ as my only goal. I have to not melt down and do all the things that I have set for myself this year.
Leaving the actual job that I am paid to do aside, I also have to get everyone to NCYC – yes, this is part of the job, but not in the job description – its an added bonus. I have to get UnitingCare using Fair Trade and present something to Synod about Fair Trade. I need to get skinnier and fitter and healthier. I need to cut down my medication. I need to get back some hint of a social life and fun in my life.
Obviously, something has to give. I cant do all of this. I also dont know which ones to cut.
None of this can happen while I am cutting myself off from the world.
Note: please dont stress about me if you are reading this. I will sort it out. Writing stuff down helps me think it through. I dont want to contribute to someone elses stress.
Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.
- Buddha.
I love being healthy. I love having energy, I love being able to think, I love being able to concentrate.
Its fantastic.
In the last week or so I have discovered that I really like cooking and eating great food. I have been putting effort into what I am making and taking the time to enjoy eating it.
My running is going fairly well too, Im still on the treadmill (and all the rain isnt helping me to be able to run outside) but Im running for about 35 mins and doing just under 5kms at the moment.
While all this extra stuff is taking up a fair bit of time, I actually feel like I am getting more work done, mainly because I can think clearly and concentrate. I feel like a lot of what I do happens inside my own head, thinking of NCYC fundraising and ways to encourage others to come to NCYC, thinking about themes for kidzown and what we could do to make it work. Sometimes it seems a bit silly, to be thinking through all this stuff, but its important that I know why we are doing the things that we are doing, and why we aren’t doing some of the things we dont do. Because of the type of person I am I make spreadsheets about everything, it helps me remember where we are up to and what else needs to happen.
Anyway, my newest tip – dont bother with lettuce. Instead, have baby spinach. My guess is that everything that you could want to put lettuce with would be better with baby spinach and it makes it heaps healthier. I have been reading up on nutrition and sources of vitamins and minerals, its fascinating. Most of us dont eat enough fruit and veg, especially leafy greens.
